This finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.” Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem it may be the skill with which those suggestions are made. Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider. Good listeners tended to make suggestions. Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument. That might make you an excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive - as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. In these interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither party becoming defensive about comments the other made. Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation.Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly. Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!).
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